What Dating Has Taught Me About My Relationship With Jesus

I have learned that there are some things in life that you cannot glean deep wisdom from until you experience it yourself. That is not to say that having mentors and inspiring leaders in your life is a waste of time. Absolutely not! There are many people that I have purposefully placed in my life so that I can learn from them, gain their perspective on things, and draw closer to God through the wisdom they share with me. But I also believe that we go through different seasons and processes to gain wisdom that we cannot gain elsewhere. And recently I have found myself in a wisdom-gleaning-experience.

A few months ago I entered into a relationship with an amazing guy whom I’ve known for about two years.

(This is a picture of him and I at the McNary Airfield in front of one of the last B-17 bombers from WWII. We’re both big time WWII history nerds and I love it!)

Hayden and I have an incredible relationship that I am extremely grateful for. I’ve noticed certain traits in Hayden that have taught me some things about my relationship with Jesus.

1) Hayden is a gentleman. His actions are chivalrous, even with simple things. Whenever we’re out and about, he always opens my car door for me (even if it takes longer to get in the car himself). If we’re walking on the sidewalk he will walk on the side that is closest to the street. Little actions like those build up a character of integrity and respect over time.

Speaking of respect… Hayden is also incredibly respectful of me when it comes to physical boundaries within our relationship. We both agree on the terms of our boundaries, but he always lets me dictate the pace because he wants me to feel comfortable and at peace with the progression of things. (That might not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it’s huge. I’ve never been in a relationship before this one and physical touch is definitely not one of my top love languages. He knows that and chooses to respect that.)

People say that “chivalry is dead” but Hayden is proof that chivalry is very much alive. And the thing I love most about Hayden treating me with such respect and care is that it reflects the heart of our Father.

God wants to treat you like royalty because… you are! Because of Jesus you are an heir! A lot of people (I’m assuming it’s not just me) struggle with letting God love them lavishly because they think they don’t deserve it. I admit, when Hayden and I first started dating I had to teach myself to not be so independent and stubborn when it came to his chivalrous acts. I felt bad for letting him pay for my coffee or holding the door open for me. In some ways I felt like I was a burden. But over time I learned to let him be a gentleman because in his eyes I wasn’t being a burden. He enjoyed doing those things for me. It was an honor for him. The same goes for our relationship with God. I know the world tells us one thing, but trust me. You are NOT a burden to God. He loves you with a crazy love that has immense joy for treating you like the prince/princess you are. Don’t refuse His chivalry, let Him treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

2) Hayden takes care of me. Whenever we go out to eat or grab a quick snack at the store, Hayden always pays for me. When I have money in my wallet and when I don’t he pays for my food. A couple weeks ago a group of us from church wanted to go out to eat after church was over. I really wanted to go, but decided in my mind that I wouldn’t because I didn’t have the money to spend. When I told Hayden why I couldn’t go he kind of laughed and said “Ashleigh, I can pay for you. It’s no problem.”

The numerous times that we have gone out to eat or get coffee, Hayden has paid for me without any hesitation. He provides for me not because it’s an obligation, but because he wants to. Abba is the same way. He doesn’t view taking care of us as another chore or bullet point on His to-do-list. We are His children and He is a good, good Father! Our Father loves us with a love that is immeasurable. His adoration for His children is as eternal as He is. He loves us not because He has to, but because He wants to. His provision for us works the same. He enjoys blessing us with all that we need and more.

3) There are mornings when my hair won’t cooperate with me, my outfit doesn’t look right, or I get hangry before it’s even close to lunch time (the struggle is real friends, I am not the perkiest person when I’m hungry). But even when I don’t feel pretty or my hunger pains start to unveil the cranky Ashleigh, Hayden still calls me beautiful. The first few times it was hard to believe him, because in my perspective it was obvious that my flaws seemed to get in the way of the beauty he claimed to see in me. But then I realized something… Once again Hayden was reflecting the heart of Jesus because he recognized what made me beautiful.

I’m not beautiful because I wear Pinterest-worthy-outfits or have my attitude together all the time. I’m beautiful because of my identity as a child of God. Physical appearance is not your identity, friends. Your identity is the character and heart you have. Your identity is written in your DNA, revealing the fingerprints of a Creator who formed you in the exact image that brings overwhelming joy to His heart. It doesn’t matter what you look like on the outside or what temporary behavior you are exhibiting in your current situation. Those things are important, but they do not determine who you are. You are beautiful because you are His. Because He calls you beloved (Isaiah 43:4).

Friends, please take time to notice how much God loves you and allow Him to treat you like royalty. It’s His pleasure and joy to bless His children. And it should be our honor to receive it. After all it’s in our job description. You are His beloved—it’s your job to be loved.